Dear Abbey,
Daughter-in-law “Brook” lost her grandfather five weeks ago. She chose not to talk about it to her 4 and 10 year olds. She ordered my husband, me, and our son, not to mention it. The children meet her grandmother at least once a week and SHE is not expected to talk to them either.
I didn’t know what the kids didn’t tell me, and I started saying something at family dinner. When a 10-year-old kid heard me, I crouched. I am angry with the whole situation. Brooke refused to tell them “until she was ready” and I couldn’t object any further. I understand her sadness. I lost my grandparents and parents. The service is not in the weeks. She still understands that she cannot cope with the loss, but denying the truth of her children only delays the process of her sorrow and does not give them time to sorrow and deal with it.
Now Brooke is angry and screaming and crying about it. I’m trying to retreat, but she’s angry that her needs are paramount, and she makes a terrifying mistake by providing her love and compassion that she thought they needed. I was told that I had committed. How can I fix a mistake that I perceived to have made?
— Worried about Vermont
If you didn’t realize that your DIL was trying to protect her children from the reality of their great-grandfather’s death when you screamed, you didn’t do anything wrong. But you should have offered her a personal apology for her. Go back to the funeral and lie low. Your DIL is not yourself so far. She needs time to stay calm and regain some perspective. It will be interesting to know how your son feels about how he treats this. If you’re lucky, he can make things smooth.
Absence rekindles their romantic flames
Dear Abbey,
When my husband leaves town on a business trip or vacation, or when I leave town for a period of time, we suddenly fall in love again! We miss each other like crazy, send affectionate texts, and exchange still muddy phones like newlyweds.
When he is at home and we live with work, children, invoices and responsibilities, we are disconnected and far away. We interact as partners and friends rather than romantic lovers. We have been married for 21 years and it has always been like this. Is absence really caressing, or can we stand on each other only when we are not together?
— Embarrassed in Texas
Absence does not necessarily caress the heart and does not necessarily move the wedge between couples with a strong marriage base. The fact that you and your husband feel the need for a romantic connection that united you when you are away tells me that your marriage is strong despite the responsibility of your daily life. teach. Have you considered treating yourself once in a while on a date night, away from the distractions of your kids? If you haven’t, I’m sure you both enjoy it.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
This article was originally published in The Providence Journal: Dear Abbey: Children are not said to have died great-grandfather