My husband for 20 years has been drunk driving in the past. He has always been drinking heavily in social situations. He goes out once a week for three hours after work, during which time he drinks and then drives home. He told me he had a few glasses of beer, but his tabs and his face tell a different story.
There are three teens who see his behavior, which is a bad example. My other concern is that he may take his children somewhere after he gets home from his weekly outings. I instructed them not to take me anywhere on Wednesday (his regular bar day). Also, I asked you not to drive anywhere on Wednesday. I always work from home on that day, but that’s not enough, so I’d like you to stop.
I thought about divorce, but I’m worried that drinking may get worse. We also considered intervention with the family. I’m at the end of the rope and ready to do something, what’s the next step?
— Illinois has reached my limits
Step 1 is to attend several Al-Anon meetings. This is an organization established to help friends and family of people with alcohol problems that your husband seems to have. Those meetings will give you a perspective. Your next step is to understand what divorce means financially for you and your children. Once you have that information, while your husband is calm and calm, you will tell him that you have reached the limit and you will leave him unless her husband tries to stop drinking. See how he reacts and if nothing changes, follow through.
Seven years ago, my husband and I were experiencing a rough patch. Unfortunately, he shared all the details with his parents. We are still working together for 24 years. I was so angry when I found out he told them about our business because I loved them and knew it wasn’t the same.
My father-in-law behaves like he loves me, but my mother-in-law doesn’t talk to me and I haven’t received a birthday card ever since. At Christmas, you will receive a check with only your husband’s name on it. Only my daughter and my husband are allowed on their birthday. I love my step-in-law and I just miss being loved because my parents are gone. My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal to ignore my birthday. Isn’t that really a big deal?
— I’m afraid of my birthday now
I disagree with your husband. It’s a big deal for his parents to continue to punish you because he struggled with your marital problems. And now, Tatler should tell his companions that it’s time to fill the hatchery and bring you back to the fold. If he isn’t enough people to do that, some sessions for you with a licensed marriage counselor may help you embrace the status quo. You said you want to be loved, and by that I think you mean unconditionally. In your case, it may not be possible, and you may need to learn to accept it.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
This article was originally published in The Providence Journal: Dear Abbey: Husband’s drinking puts his family at risk and makes him suspicious of marriage