I wonder if a selfish bride is selfish

Dear Abbey,

I am married to the love of my life. Aside from becoming a husband soon, the most important participant in our wedding is my beloved 70-year-old father. Dad has been dating the woman “Mary” many times since the divorce of his parents 25 years ago. She rarely attends her family’s events because Mary has always had health problems (lumpus, kidney disease, alcoholism, etc.). Dad is healthy, enjoys the outdoors and is deeply involved in the lives of his children and grandchildren.

Recently, Dad spends most of his time caring for the sick Mary, including spending six weeks in a distant city while she is undergoing surgery and recovery. My brother and I feel that my dad deserves someone who enjoys his life and can participate in similar activities, but we admit that this is the one who chose to be with him. ..

Mary attends my wedding as a guest of my father. If she feels sick, tired, or unbearably weak at the festival, I’m afraid my dad might leave early to bring her back to the hotel. If he misses celebrating the most important day of my life, I will be ruined. I also don’t want to put her in her wedding photo. This is a completely different issue. Am I a selfish brideszilla or do I need to raise concerns to her father before a big day?

— Anxious daddy girl

Have you ever learned that you can’t control the behavior of others? I’m sure your dad wants to spend every moment of your special day with you, but there are other priorities to consider. Mary, who is in poor health, is making every effort to be there to honor you. If that’s too much for her, what do you want your her father to do — call her 911 and have her rescuers take her away? Stop growing and obsessed with family harmony. It’s unnatural, to say the least. For wedding photos, if you don’t want them to appear in the photo, pose for END. That way, you can cut her out if you want.

Dear Abbey,

I have a question about office etiquette. In my job, I need to meet with many vendors and sales reps, as well as hold informal meetings with other office staff and senior management.

My question: Should I wait for them to sit down when welcoming people into “my space”, or because this is the lawn of my house, I just sit down and make them comfortable Can you wait? I tried to measure my behavior towards other staff, but it didn’t help because each seemed to have its own agenda. I’ve played it with my ears so far, but I’d appreciate it if you could give me a definitive answer.

— Trying to set a good example

If I guide people to my office, we usually sit at the same time. If you are with a client, say “please reserve a seat” and wait for the person to be comfortable. You don’t have to stand or sit at the ceremony when you’re with a colleague.

Dear Abbey

Dear Abbey

Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.

This article was originally published in The Providence Journal: Dear Abbey: A selfish bride wonders if she is selfish