question: “Last weekend, my friend and I went to the club for our friend’s birthday, but what was supposed to be a fun night ended in disastrous results.
The three friends who were present are notorious for being late. In the past, they appeared one hour late for a surprise birthday, one hour late for my birthday, and three hours late for a dinner party. (And this is just the past year!)
Prior to our recent night out, I lied because I didn’t want them to be late and our booking was at 10pm but to us at the club at 9pm I told them to meet and they all agreed to prove that they could show up on time by arriving at the bar 30 minutes earlier than planned. They waited an hour and a half for the rest of us to arrive, and when we did, two of them refused to talk to us all night and other friends passively attacked. I spent the night at the target. Their attitude was ruined all night and the celebration felt vaguely depressed.
I just tried to make sure they arrived on time, but neither side has talked to the other since then. Who is wrong and who should apologize? “
answer: I have some female friends who think that being late is a cute personality, so I feel completely frustrated in this situation. It also caused problems for my group of friends.
I have my own experience with this, so I wanted to get an additional perspective here. So I asked one of the co-hosts of the podcast. Justin Tanstrom, To weigh in. Justin, what are your thoughts?
“”It feels like we all have infamously slow people in our lives, and it can be very frustrating. Some of these people are consistently late, so you can almost predict the exact time they will appear. We are all human beings, so I think we can sometimes be late. But especially when it comes to surprise parties, when it’s commonplace to be late, it’s uncomfortable and rude.
I would have done exactly what you did in this scenario, and in fact I did the same in the past. It’s interesting that this time everyone agreed that it was really early. Maybe it’s just karma. The irritation they experienced that night is no different than what you felt when they were late. The fact that they have ruined the night with their own feelings is disappointing, but it may help them understand the importance of being on time, especially for special occasions.
I think we can turn this situation into a bigger conversation that can deepen our friendship. Plan to be bigger people and reach out to ask them to get together to talk. Explain how their repeated lateness made you feel and compare it to the frustration they experienced on your friend’s birthday. Sit down and hope they will recognize the importance of punctuality and be able to overcome this drama. For friendship to flourish, all parties need to treat each other with respect. I think this moment and how you treat it is a good time to set the tone for the future of your friendship.
Morgan and Justin
Morgan Absher is a Los Angeles occupational therapist and host of the podcast “Two Hot Takes,” with advice from her and her co-sponsor. She writes a column every week and shares her advice with USA TODAY readers. Find her on TikTok @twohottakes And YouTube here..You can contact her by her email at [email protected], or you can click here To share your story with her.
This article was originally published in USA TODAY: Are you always late? Friends don’t show up on time. I need some advice.