Olivia Wilde teeth Tabloids are no stranger. from “Don’t worry darling” Drama to her highly publicized split Jason Sudeikisthe acclaimed actress and director, 38, has been scrutinized on everything from Her relationship with Harry Styles To her upbringing.
Wilde and Sudeikis, 47, joint custody of two childrenHowever, Wilde, like many other female stars, has been criticized online when she was spotted spending time with her children. This points to a bigger problem with how society views mothers.
“I share custody of my kids with my ex-wife. If I’m not pictured with my kids, people think I’ve abandoned them. My kids are somewhere in a hot car without me.” It’s like being in,” said Wilde. ELLE magazine Early this month.
In August, she aired a similar frustration when speaking with variety“When people see me without my kids, it’s always like, ‘Oh my God, I’ve never seen anyone say that about a man. If he’s with his kids, he A (expletive) hero.”
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This double standard “exemplifies how to elevate a woman as a mother. I will unload the Shira Tarrant Professor of Gender and Sexuality Studies at California State University, Long Beach.
In addition to Wilde, other celebrity mothers have used the platform to defend their parenting methods. After posting a series of selfies, the actress applauded Mama Shamer last week when she wrote, “Where are your kids?” (“Wait wait. I… have kids?!? Goddamn I knew I forgot something!!” she sarcastically answered). Similarly, Kourtney Kardashian addressed rumors that she “will never be with[her]kids,” It doesn’t appear on her social media posts.
Tarrant explains: or “Is she a good mom?”
These celebrity examples, she says, reflect the real-life problem that “mothers are always being punished while their fathers are being promoted.”
Our unrealistic expectations of the ‘perfect mother’
According to experts, our view of the mother stems from rigid, traditional gender roles that historically assumed women to be the primary nurturers and men to be the breadwinners of the family. However, the post-World War II 1950s saw the rise of working mothers and extra income at home. Even today, these expectations of who is responsible for a child’s well-being persist.
Our views of women and motherhood have advanced over the decades, but there is still not enough. Virginia Williamson Founder of Collaborative Counseling Group and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. That’s why a prominent woman who proves to be as multifaceted as Wilde, or more than just a mother, causes a stir.
“We’ve made progress, but there are still a lot of negative connotations associated with women being seen as strong and independent,” she says.
What’s more, Tarrant says the way we talk about motherhood is a double-edged sword that is both “fascinating and devastating.” On the one hand, she admires and admires women who choose to have children. But if she isn’t always at home with her kids, she faces her judgment and shame if she chooses to hang out with her friends or new romantic partners.
“This is a form of gender-based social control that is so powerful because it is difficult to identify as a social dynamic.It is difficult to diffuse how it affects us all.” ‘ says Tarrant.
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“It was a woman who humiliated me”
Women often internalize misogyny in subtle ways such as: Shame on you mom. Wilde’s most vocal critics are women, she says. (“It was the women who humiliated me for making decisions for my own health and well-being. said in august about her divorce. )
This practice stems from a culture that enforces unfair standards for women. They have long been taught how to look, behave and parent in order to be admired by society.
“When we talk about structural social forces like misogyny, we must recognize that everyone, including women, is affected by it. Survival depends on a system that does not respect women. A woman is socialized if she does,” he says. Juliet Williams Professor of Gender Studies at the University of California, Los Angeles.
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But putting the burden of good parenting on one parent does everyone a disservice, says Williams. It is unfair to fathers who “may be erased or dismissed for their hard work and care” and mothers who “will be devalued, humiliated and judged.” is. It’s also unfair to children who “do not receive the benefits of active parenting recognized by all adults.”
Awareness is the first step in tackling these double standards. Of how we all perpetuate these stereotypes, regardless of gender, Tarrant says, “Instead of just pointing at women and saying, ‘Oh look, it’s a catfight,’ be honest. encourage people to become
as Wilde said speech “We are allies who rely on each other not to fall back or stop moving forward, as we face a very large opposition force that has tried to oppress us for centuries.”
“I feel motivated to keep fighting through the (misogyny) hellfire.”
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY. Olivia Wilde, Megan Fox, and the sexism behind ‘absentee mother’