Dear Abbey,
I have a daughter “Molly” in her late 30s. Her father and I divorced when she was a toddler and I raised her with the help of her family until she remarried. Her father visited and paid her child support, but that was all. Throughout Molly’s life, I was in charge of all medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc. and sacrificed her to get what she needed.
The problem I’m having is that while she treats me badly, her father, his family, her husband’s family, and members of my family are on the pedestal. Her rudeness and her excellent attitude she spoke to me made me depressed. She doesn’t answer the text or answer my phone unless she likes it or wants something.
I was thinking of changing my mind and leaving nothing behind, as money could come in quickly. I see the therapist understand why she can’t tell her how much her words and actions hurt me. I love Molly, but I don’t like her. Isn’t she being treated to understand why she treats me this way?
— Mom abused in Georgia
As you do, people usually don’t seek treatment unless they hurt. Don’t waste your time waiting for her to ask for her help about what she doesn’t think is the problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you are not drawing a line and do not require you to be treated with care. She doesn’t know if she knows you’re trying to make money, but when she knows it, you may notice that she’s suddenly changing her attitude. Hmm.
Once the money comes in, we hope that you will spend the wind and rain on what you enjoy, such as travel, cultural events, and all the activities you missed while making sacrifices for Molly. You deserve it; she doesn’t. Tell your therapist I said so. I’m sure your therapist agrees.
Dear Abbey,
I refurbished a year ago and moved to my girlfriend’s house, which was in good shape for $ 80,000. We’ve been together for 12 years and neither wants to remarry, but we’ve agreed that we should stop paying two mortgages because we’re about to retire and need to save money.
She has an old cat peeing all over the house. She says, “What do you want me to do about it?” I’m asking her to help me understand something, but after dealing with her cat peeing everything from my kid’s bed to the carpet for over a year, what Has not changed. What can I say to tell her that this can ruin our home and make people sick? We cannot welcome guests because of the smell.
— Frustrated by cats
You and your girlfriend should discuss this with your cat veterinarian to find out if the animal’s behavior is age-related and out of control, or if it can fix behavioral problems. Please wait! I would like sympathy.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
This article was originally published in The Providence Journal: Dear Abbey: A woman feels abused by her rude daughter